Navigating Holidays and Eating Disorders - A How to Guide
Well, it’s officially holiday season. Whatever you celebrate, there is bound to be some family or friend time, a good amount of food, and lots and lots of negative food and body talk. Holidays and eating disorders are not a match made in heaven.
For many, holidays can make bad body image moments worse, especially when we are around others who are not yet on the anti-diet culture bandwagon. You also don’t need to have an eating disorder diagnosis to experience this discomfort - many people have a difficult relationship with food due to dieting, disordered eating, or negative body image.
One thing that we can do to help us navigate this is to go in with a plan. We can recognize that there are things in our lives that will cause anxiety or discomfort, and that there are things in our outside world that we have little control over (ie other people’s comments on food and body) while also knowing that we can handle difficult situations when they arise. Basically a big old YOU GOT THIS (with a little help of course because we all deserve to be cared for and supported).
There are lots of ways to arm ourselves with a plan for what to do if we are experiencing negative food and body talk around the holidays. We can decide ahead of time how we might want to respond to these comments. It also can be helpful to make an eating plan and put down some ground rules around what *healthy holiday eating looks like.
*When I say health, I mean supporting yourself both mentally and physically. This does not include dieting, restricting, or stopping yourself from eating the foods that you love.
What it looks like to navigate the holidays and eating disorders
Picture this - you are at Aunt Sally’s house for your yearly family get together. The house is all decked out in holiday decor and you can feel the excitement of being together.
There is a ton of food around - everyone has gone all out on their favorite dishes that they only make once during the year. You get your plate all loaded up, sit down to enjoy and hear the classic line “all of this fatty food is going to go right to my hips!”
From there it is a spiral of body shaming, with everyone picking themselves apart. You might even have a family member or two who bring their own food or barely put anything on their plate, stating that they are on X diet and can’t “indulge.”
Sound familiar?
Yea, I thought so. The truth is that managing the holidays and eating disorders can feel nearly impossible. The urge to toss all of your hard work aside and give into body shaming and food behaviors is probably there.
The truth is that we live in a culture that encourages these types of statements and they unfortunately are likely not going way any time soon.
Just because those around you want to shame themselves about their negative body image does not mean you need to jump on board! Luckily, you have given this some thought beforehand and have a plan to ensure that you don’t fall into the diet culture trap.
Let’s talk about some ways to navigate a situation where there is any kind of negative food or body talk:
Walk Away
Literally do just that - leave the situation. Make an excuse if you need to (make a phone call, go to the bathroom, etc), but if you feel best completely removing yourself from the situation then go for it. You are allowed to put up this boundary - that you do not need to leave yourself in a situation that feels uncomfortable. And you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone if you don’t want to.
For many of us who have worked towards eating disorder recovery, ditching dieting, or embracing our bodies as they are, it can be a difficult balance to figure out how to respond in these types of situations. There are going to be times where you feel really confident and want to help someone else see the anti-diet light, and other times where you need to protect your sanity and get yourself out of that situation.
There is absolutely no shame in walking away from these situations, and for most people this can be the best place to start. Navigating the holidays and eating disorders means figuring out the best plan of action for you.
Don’t Let Bad Body Image Talk Happen - Make a Statement
Feeling a little more bold? Go ahead and let them know that you don’t feel comfortable with that particular conversation. Depending on your comfort level, there are all sorts of statements that you can make. There is no right or wrong answer here!
In case you are not sure what type of statements you can make, here are a few examples:
I prefer not to talk about food that way
I don’t find it helpful to talk about food/my body like that so I don’t really want to talk about it!
I don’t like to talk negatively about my body (or anyone else’s for that matter!)
Wow you guys talk so negatively about yourselves!
Let’s not talk negatively, I don’t want the kids to hear this type of stuff
Feel free to play around with whatever level of sass you want to give! For example, if you are feeling extra spicy you could say something like “Maybe you should look at your relationship with food - diet culture really has its claws in you. It must be hard to live your life that way!”
Feel free to copy and paste that last one into your notes app if you need it :)
Change the Subject
It can be helpful to come with a few ideas of subjects you would rather talk about. You know, some super neutral ones like climate change, world politics, etc. Or maybe something a little more light - new music you are into or a trip you took this past year.
Most people will take the cue that if you change the subject that you aren’t interested in the current conversation. If this isn’t the case and someone continually comes back to this topic, feel free to use any of the statements from the tip above to try and veer them away from that particular convo.
For those of you working on your relationship with food or embracing intuitive eating, navigating food choices can also feel overwhelming. Managing the holidays and eating disorders can be especially difficult when it comes to food and being out of our normal routines.
Whether you are in recovery from an eating disorder or struggle with your relationship with food in any way, we all could use some tips for navigating food options during the holidays
4 Tips for Healthy Holiday Eating:
Eat regular meals throughout the day
You may feel the urge to “save up” for that big meal later on, but this can make it way more difficult to navigate that meal. You deserve to eat frequently throughout the day, even on a day where meals look a little different. Eat breakfast and lunch, and snacks as you normally would. We don’t want you heading into your holiday dinner starving - it will absolutely not help you eat intuitively.
Remember that this day is really no different than any other when it comes to food. We need to eat to nourish ourselves no matter what. Remember that getting through the holidays and eating disorders might mean having to step out of your comfort zone.
Let yourself eat what you want
Give yourself full permission to have whatever sounds good to you. Hopefully you have been practicing this skill in your day to day already, but even if you haven’t you still deserve to eat what you like.
Go slow - take a walk around and take it all in, check in with what sounds good to you and go for it!
Pay attention to your fullness cues
Remind yourself that you are giving yourself permission to eat these foods whenever you want. When you are at a level of fullness that feels good to you, take a break from eating and see how you feel.
You can always get more! Also remember that it is normal to eat more food at a holiday meal than you might otherwise - sometimes the food available is something special that maybe grandma makes once a year. There is no “right” level of fullness - for some this might mean feeling a little stuffed on a day like this.
Ask to take home leftovers
If you are noticing that you feel like you have to eat all the things because you don’t want to miss out or feel deprived afterwards, lean into some leftovers! Ask the host if you can take some of your favorite things to go - you might be less likely to feel like this is your only chance to have the yummy food. And hosts are typically trying to offload all the food so it doesn’t go bad in their fridge - they will probably happy take you up on your offer!
So who’s ready to tackle the holiday season? Hopefully the above tips give you a sense of what you can do or say to make navigating holiday events just a little easier. Things might still feel really hard, and I want you to remember that it is normal to feel that way. Figuring out how to navigate the holidays and eating disorders takes a lot of work but is so worth it. Even those of us who have been doing this work a long time get triggered and sometimes find it difficult to navigate tricky conversations. We might also struggle with listening to our hunger and fullness cues and feel like we “blew it.” I can assure you that it is nearly impossible to do this perfectly - you can only prepare the best you can and do what feels right for you.
This time of year can be tough for many, and if you are struggling you deserve support! If you are looking for a therapist in FL, I would love to connect and see if we would be a good fit to work together. I work with clients who want to work on their relationship with food, body, and themselves - whether you have been diagnosed with an eating disorder, or simply feel that you struggle with the what/when/where/how of feeding yourself.
