How to Be Comfortable With Your Body - 5 Tips Towards Acceptance

Trying to figure out how to be comfortable with your body? The good news here is that  you aren’t alone. As a body image therapist, a common message that I hear is that you see body positive messages all over your social media, but they just aren’t hitting home. Mainstream media might tell you to “use positive affirmations” or “fake it until you make it,” but these ideas tend to fall short in the real world.

The first question you might be asking is - what actually is negative body image? Body image in general has become a bit of a catch-phrase, and we might be wondering what we actually mean when talking about it. Instead of giving you some text-book definition, I want you think about some questions that can give us some insight into how you are feeling towards your body. 

Think about:

• How much time are you spending thinking about your body during the day?

•  Is the way you think about your body stopping you from doing the things in life that you value?

• Do you find yourself constantly comparing your body to others?  

• Are you dieting or engaging in negative eating or exercise behaviors in an attempt to alter your body shape/size in some way?

What were your answers? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it sounds like you might be struggling with your body image, or the way in which you view your body.  That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you! It actually means that you are a human being functioning in a really shitty society that places worth on very specific body types. But I digress. Figuring out how to be comfortable with your body has nothing to do with what your body actually looks like - it has to do with how you feel towards your body.

So the question is, how do we start feeling more comfortable with our body?

1. How to be Comfortable With Your Body? Get Uncomfortable (yes that seems counterintuitive)

I wish that I could wave my magic wand and tell you the exact thing that is going to make you feel better.  Oh how I wish. But the reality is that this is fucking hard work. But, it IS 100% worth it. One of the most helpful things that I have found when starting to work on improving your body image is to recognize up front that it is going to be uncomfortable. Digging into this topic is like a winding road, with LOTS of pit stops, bumps, and eye-opening hurdles. I love Bri Campos, from Body Image with Bri’s, idea of looking at body image like an archaeological dig - knowing that there are many layers to discover.

Getting uncomfortable means knowing that it is not only OK, but completely normal to feel some discomfort when addressing body image. It is knowing that just because you are uncomfortable doesn’t mean you aren’t on the right track. Sometimes where we feel the most discomfort is the place we should start at. Figuring out how to be comfortable with your body includes being uncomfortable!

Before you get started, get to know what skills you have that help you cope when difficult emotions might arise. Maybe you love to listen to music to feel calm, take a bath, talk to a close friend or partner, or snuggle your favorite pet. Build up your skill list before you dive in, knowing that it is ok to lean on them when needed (and we all need them!).

2. Understand Why

Understanding why so many of us struggle with body image is important to explore. This can help give us some validation that we are not only NOT alone in these struggles, but that there are societal systems in place that directly lead to our own bodily discomfort. This topic alone needs a book (or many books) to relay all the important information, and many awesome ones are out there. Try checking out Your Body is Not an Apology or Fearing the Black Body as some great places to start. The fact that you are even asking the question of how to be comfortable in your own body is progress in itself!

The sad truth is that our society places some bodies on pedestals and views others as not valuable and unworthy. White, thin, cis, hetero bodies are praised as “good” and “right”, while fat, black, brown, and disabled bodies are considered less-than (and even dangerous). Diet culture has brainwashed us to believe that the way our body looks is completely within our control and never good enough. It tells us we should always be trying to be smaller, and that thinness=health (hot tip: it doesn’t). 

You don’t know how to be comfortable in your own body because you have been getting both subliminal and literally in-your-face messages throughout your life that you aren’t good enough. How can we expect to feel good about our bodies when society arounds us tells us otherwise? We are direct products of an ableist, racist, homophobic, anti-fat culture that screams at us that our bodies are literally bad.

3. Don’t start with body positivity

You might be thinking that the way to not feel negative about your body is to start thinking positively. Just change those thoughts to positive ones right?? Yea, not so easy.

Body positive messages don’t always cut it.

Try to imagine going from where you are feeling now all the way to feeling super positive about your body. Feel overwhelmed? Yea, me too. Don’t get me wrong - I think the idea of body positivity is a wonderful one. It’s just not always super realistic or even encouraging for those at the beginning of figuring this stuff out.

Instead of the overwhelming thought of being super positive about your body, or feeling like you need to “dive in” to more body positive messages, imagine what it might feel like to get to a more neutral and resilient space.  A space where your body exists, and you can ride the waves of positive and negative, landing somewhere in the middle. A place of potential appreciation or acknowledgment of what your body does for you.

If this feels hard (which it might and that’s also normal) try picking a part of your body that you don’t feel negative about. Focus on this part and try to come up with a neutral or factual statement about it.  For example - I don’t feel negative about my ears. They work well and do a pretty good job of hearing! This can be a great place to slowly start exploring how you feel about different parts of your body. Figuring out how to be comfortable in your own body can actually start with rejecting all sorts of negative body talk - even ones that are coming from inside.

4. Develop Body Image Resilience

Once you have settled into a place of understanding why we feel the ways we do about our body, and knowing that you don’t have to feel positively about your body to make progress, we can work towards building some body image resilience.

What do I mean by body image resilience? In my mind, this means being able to weather the body image storm and know that our body is a “good” body regardless of how we might feel about it. Even those of us who have done the hard work regarding our body image have bad body image days. This is normal and we can prepare ourselves for this. Having a better body image isn’t about not having negative thoughts - it’s about what we do with those thoughts when they arise.

One way to build up this resilience is to start to dive deeper into the narratives that keep us stuck in negative body image thoughts. What are the stories underneath the thoughts? For some of us, these thoughts can stem from earlier life experiences, traumas, or messages that have been drilled into us for long periods of time. Think back to times in your life when you were made to feel bad about your body. How might this have affected you?

These stories are real and valid. We all have them, and I have yet to find someone who has escaped these types of narratives.  I promise you that it’s more than just what your clothing size is - there is a narrative underneath that drives you to feel negatively about yourself.

5. Get Support Around Being Comfortable in Your Body

The purpose of this post was to simply give you a place to start when it comes to doing body image work. For some of you, this will be a great jumping off point to move towards a place of feeling more comfortable in your own body. For others, this won’t feel like enough! I get that and understand that you might be craving more.

I think it’s important to know what negative body image can lead to for some.  Some people might be experiencing minimal discomfort with their body, and simply reading about body image can help them move to a less negative space.  Others might be feeling such a high level of distress that it is impacting your day to day life. You might find yourself body checking, saying no to things you want to do in life because you feel uncomfortable in your skin, developing negative food habits, and more. 

If you are feeling a high level of distress because of your body image, please know that you are not alone and you deserve to get help. You do not need a “formal” diagnosis of any sort to deserve a space to talk through what you are feeling. Some things to look for in a provider would be someone who is fat-positive (or at the very least weight neutral), anti-diet, and aware of eating disorders/disordered eating. You can find a body image therapist in your area, join support groups, and more. Considering you asked the question of how to be comfortable with your body, you might just be ready to do the deeper work.

If you live in Florida, I can help! You can check out more about me and my philosophy here, and connect with me to see if we would be a good fit.

Getting uncomfortable, understanding why, not starting with body positive messages, developing body image resilience, and getting help are only some of the ways to start to figure out how to be comfortable in your own body. Everyone is different - pick and choose what feels right for you. Also remember - you are not alone in your body image struggles.